Pregnancy loss - Reasons why emotional support and emotional validation is

Vast trigger warning as this blog will be about Pregnancy Loss – and will mention Miscarriages, Ectopic and abortions.

By Taylor Gould

March 5, 2024

It’s so important to understand that having a pregnancy loss is natural process - it’s not the mothers fault – I write this blog as someone who has had multiple pregnancy losses, these are just my own opinions on research I have done myself or have experienced personally.

Pregnancy loss refers to the unexpected loss of a pregnancy before 20 weeks – this experience in itself can be a devastating and traumatic experience. Having a pregnancy loss can leave individuals and couples coping with a wide range of emotions and physical changes. Understanding the causes, symptoms, and emotional impacts of a pregnancy loss can help you effectively navigate through the healing process.

The physical recovery alone can be harrowing for one. And in sometimes – like mine where I have had two Ectopic pregnancies – these types of pregnancy loss usually end up in Surgery – I myself have lost my Right Fallopian tube and had my Left Fallopian tube repaired – Both surgeries and losses were excruciating and debilitating – it didn’t help that I didn’t have the best response to the anesthetic – so my recovery after surgery wasn’t the easiest.

Now, for anyone wondering, these surgeries are usually completed laparoscopically, meaning they make a couple incisions in your abdomen area and your belly button to make it easier on the patient as well as their physically healing. It’s painful and most days it’s just done as a day surgery- My first surgery was done around 2pm and by 11pm I was sent home – My second Surgery I was brought in around 5 pm and my surgery wasn’t completed until 9 pm so I had to stay for the night – Both Surgeries I had small complications – with blood filling in my stomach both times – My second surgery, a part of the fetus was still attached and I required medication to stop the growth of the fetal cells – the medication they gave me was a Chemotherapy medication. The medication itself is to help stop the growth the fetal cells – in most cases if an Ectopic pregnancy is caught early this is what they would give you to stop the growth and allow you to miscarry on its own . It was quite the experience – reminder do not eat food after this medication has been given to you – an experience I had to learn.

If you are anything like me you will have a vast amount of regular check-ups – It took 3 months for my HCG levels to go down after both my Ectopic pregnancies – I was also bed ridden for almost two weeks with both pregnancy losses. I have to say if I didn’t have my husband, I don’t know how I would have recovered – he cared for my every need when it came to my emotional and physical healing. I wouldn’t have eaten or drank without him. Just mentally, I wasn’t there, especially after my first ectopic (this being my first pregnancy). Soon after, I was diagnosed with PTSD – after my experience in the ER. Just a reminder – don’t be afraid to tell the nurses or DRs off if they aren’t respecting you as a patient. This was my experience not once, but twice during both my Ectopic pregnancies.

Emotional Healing After Pregnancy Loss

The emotional aspects after both Ectopic pregnancies left me somewhere dark, and I wasn’t sure if I would make it. See in between both Ectopic pregnancies I had also had miscarriages – Questions I kept asking myself;

Why was my body just unable to house a pregnancy?

Did I do something in my life that hindered my chance of having a baby?

Did I deserve these losses?

Mentally, I was exhausted – and I knew I wouldn’t be able to heal properly without seeking help. It took me realizing that I almost left my husband widowed both times before I realized I was being selfish. And this wasn’t just about me but about my husband as well – Who was going to be there for his mental, emotional and physical well-being? That changed my perspective of things and helped me enter my healing journey in a whole new view – I was able to enter my healing journey with the knowledge and guidance, building from my experience and creating a safe place for not just me but my husband as well.

The emotional aspect of healing is just as important in the recovery process. Coping with grief, sadness, and other complex emotions requires time and self-compassion. It's common to experience a range of emotions, including guilt, anger, and sadness, after a pregnancy loss. Seeking that emotional support and acknowledging these feelings are so very important steps towards healing.

Remember, leaning on your loved ones for support – isn’t a burden, and in most cases, your family will be there for you. I can’t say from personal experience, but I can say that my husband and my friends were there for me during my journey.

Having that open communication – being able to freely communicate with your loved ones about your feelings and experiences can provide a much needed emotional support – being able to share your personal struggles with those close to you can help you learn to have not empathy for yourself but for those around you as well as those who have gone through or who have been going through a similar situation. Having emotional support or emotional validation can help you feel heard and supported during your healing journey. Remember to keep building those healthy relationships whether they are new or old relationships – keep building them. That strong support network is what is going to play a huge significant role in your healing journey.

Always remember that needing help – or seeking help isn’t taboo. Seeking professional support through therapy, counseling, or support groups (such as GouldWood Meadows) can provide such valuable guidance and emotional care during your healing journey. It’s not wrong if you are struggling and require extra guidance – don’t let anyone tell you different.

Healing after a pregnancy loss is so very personal – its unique journey for each individual. Embracing the complexities of the healing process – and seeking support are vital steps in navigating through the emotional and physical challenges that arise. It's essential to remember that healing is not linear and may involve both ups and downs. Finding hope, compassion, and connection can lead to renewed strength and resilience in the face of loss.

Coping Strategies for Grief and Loss

Journaling

Writing down thoughts and emotions can help in processing grief and creating a sense of emotional release.

Mindfulness Practices

Engaging in mindfulness exercises and meditation can promote emotional resilience and self-awareness.

Holistic alternative forms of therapy

Holistic activities such as Equine Wellness Support can serve as an alternative therapeutic outlets for emotional expression and healing.

Nurturing Self-Care Practices

Embracing Possibilities

As time passes, individuals may find themselves open to new opportunities and experiences, fostering hope and resilience.

Exploring Healing Activities

Engaging in healing activities such as nature walks, art, or volunteering can aid in the journey towards healing and hope.

Connecting with Others

Building connections and engaging in supportive communities can provide a sense of belonging and optimism for the future.

Moving Forward and Finding Hope